Quietus

In between the last post and this, blogger.com has implemented some changes, one of which is the regression of the template feature a step backwards. No longer can the template's raw html be freely modified. Now one picks from a collection of designs.

After all the hours I had put into learning html and css almost 10 years ago, then drafting and remastering the template for this blog, it feels a little sad to see my little handiwork be wiped clean. Instead of a bland background, I went ahead with the options available and picked what you see now. Considering how rarely I blog these days, I guess the background is not too important anymore.

Between June this year (the last post) and now, I've completed a lot of stuff on life's to-do list. I am trying to make the most of the little time I have to the next major examination, with the major task at hand being the ultimate finals.



Favourite time of the year is coming up in a week, and I've yet to make plans..

名誉

Up to a mere five months ago, there was this inner drive to learn as much as possible in this brief time. Sigh, so much has passed between now and then. And I'm not sure whether its the drudgery of routine or one too many lapses in judgement that has brought things to this point.

The last weekend was probably the lowest my inner drive, my motivation, and as a result, my honour has ever gone. I could not even bring myself to get out of bed on Saturday morning after going through a nightmare-sequence of failures and disappointments.

Was surgery department this draining for everyone? Why couldn't I face that table of books these past few weeks?

I need to breathe.

I gave in and had chocolates with a mug of coffee for breakfast. While the monologue in my head continued.

I turned to the laptop.
Facebook, the usual updates. Boring.
Email. the usual updates. Boring.
Japanese tracks playlist. Yeah, that sounds right.

The sun warmed up the room, and I opened a window to take in some fresh air. Air-conditioning was always second best.

And there it is. The day in front of me. And me, at what seems to be the lowest point of the parabolic curve one could possibly send their despondent souls to.

I decided to walk down my memories with the warm coffee mug for company. And among the many things I relived in my mind, I remembered why I needed to do this.

Teachers I met in those last few months of my stay in India who have made that lasting mark on me, believed in me, taught me to never give up, and shown me the way forward.

They may never know how much they have changed the course of my life. But everyday, I promise to honour them.

Today, I reclaim my 名誉

よりよいこと

I read a non-textbook recently, 'Better', by Atul Gawande.

And the book had me pondering over a lot of things that doctors do in a new light. And the book is an awesome read. A must-have for all medical students. (alas, I doubt those not in the field will find interest and fathom the weight of the things the writes about.) Gawande touches very specific situations and presents these as impetus for medical students and doctors to be better doctors, and not just a masked face who prescribes medication.

But I didn't start this post to review or recommend 'Better', which I probably would if a hundred other sites hadn't already.

I'm here to say something that is a bit more closer to heart, and at times, irks me so much so that I wonder at times about the sort of people that are becoming doctors.

What does it mean to try to become a 'Better' doctor?

It means a lot of things. Among those things should be the desire to learn. To improve. To grasp every moment that this brief life offers you to become that Better doctor.

Imagine my disgust when I have to deal with less than eager medical students. People who desire nothing more than to end classes early to go back to the room and park their lazy bottom on a chair and watch drama series and soaps. Granted, we all get tired at times. But is that reason enough to dismiss opportunities? Is it even remotely reasonable to grumble about those who do desire to be Better? Despicable, the attitude of some people. Downright criminal.

I generally ignore those who choose to behave like swine-sloth hybrids and continue my own path in my own way. In most circumstances, I shrug it off as a mild case of laziness and account it as their loss. Other times I attribute it to a transient psychologically based predisposition to favour ass-warming over learning due to a primary event (i.e leaving India to return to Malaysia for good).

It does however make me want to ask some of my contemporaries one single question:

What the hell are you in medical school for?

謹賀新年

New year's eve was a pretty quiet event this year in Manipal. Having an 8a.m. class the next day is a total buzzkill.

All aside, looking back on the year that was, it was a pretty good one. At times I feel like like a wanderer, biding his time to return to a homeland, and in a strange way, it was for the best. So many things I've observed and learnt, not just medicine, but of human nature as well.

An old friend told me of a book, which I'd like to quote here:

"You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."

-You Can't Go Home Again,Thomas Wolfe

Looks rather empty doesn't it

Yes, I've cleaned out the closet.

One other thing, I no longer 'do' computers. If you come up to me and ask me anything that even remotely resembles a request to fix that pile of virus-accumulating trash can that you call a laptop, I will plunge a scalpel into your eye.

Instead, here, go play this game:
http://www.candystand.com/play/vector-tdx